Day: 27 "It's not me, it's you"

Hello My Lovelies,


this last week has been alright all in all. I still sometimes had the need to slash my wrists or jump off the balcony but I decided to care less... I mean, what if all those "talks" are just to scare me, since I'm a naïve little girl ?
Last sunday I got one of those talks again but it was even worse than the previous one and it really upset(ted) me, I was pretty dramatic xD I was meeting Edie at the metro station because we wanted to go to the Val d'Europe and as soon as I saw her I let myself go... crying, shouting and cursing in 3 different languages, I called my mum and yeh... we all came to the conclusion that this woman must have some kinda mental health issue, I'm really happy Edie's here. After that horrible morning the day has been fabulous. We saw a "place" kinda like a square which I always "dreamt of" because I only ever saw it on the internet, it's absolutely beautiful, we ate at an italian restaurant, the sky was blue, sun was shining... absolutely perfect :)


Anyway I decided to keep working even harder, so if this week she even dares giving me a talk I have the proof that I did all of the things she wanted me to do. 
Monday I spoke italian to both of the girls a lot, we went to the park so the had physical activity, did homework, violin, so everything sorted. Monday evening though something happened (I'm not gonna talk about on here) which made me realise even more that "It's not me, it's you"... it's totally her and not me. Those mental HMs are making me feel stupid ! 
Tuesday hardly any italian but we went to the park and everything that had to be done got done.
Wednesday, my day off but "worked" a bit in the morning and did some nice italian with the small one. 
Thursday, no park, little italian.. ok this day was crap but you'll see...
Friday a.k.a. today... the little one had a breakdown kinda, and she's totally right, for those girls it's all work and no play at all ! Jeez those family doesn't even own a tv !! Just a projector which yea.. is NOT a tv !! And anyway they're being pushed from one activity to another and tbh I saw their schedule for their rehearsals in november... I don't know if I'm gonna make it. They have 3 hrs a day everyday, how's that gonna work ? Then they have violin practise, ballet, homework, solfege, art class and maths teacher in the afternoon... uhm... I really hope in november days have 36hrs a day.


In the meantime I'm looking for other families and soon there's gonna be a fair for employers and me and Edie are gonna take a look. Even if my family finds me on the internet I couldn't care less, my reason is that I can't live with the constant feeling of being with one foot out of the door, that any day I could get kicked out. 


On monday I started french class (step by step closer to my job in Disneyland) and it's pretty awesome :) We're a really mixed class, americans, canadians, mexicans, brits, germans, danish, spanish, italian (just me yikes), croatian and so on. We get homework and it's actually nice to have that feeling that you have a purpose in life...ok this sounds way deeper than what I mean but well... I missed school that's the sense. Our teacher's alright, although I have the feeling she doesn't like me too much, well sorry we won the world cup in 2006 ;) 


Tomorrow I'm meeting Edie again cause her parents are coming and it's nice to see some known faces, it's her birthday in 2 days (?) well on the 3rd of October and we're kinda pre-celebrating :) I decided what present to get her so I'm not even stressed anymore. 


That's it for now. Talk to you all as soon as something new happens, and I hope it won't be another "talk".


A bientôt !


Love
Julie x