Day: 57 "My roommate the hooker !"

*Written on my phone the 29.10.11*


Hello My Lovelies,

So here I am waiting for the bus to my new "home". I presently live in Nogent-sur-Marne...no me neither ! Had to look it up ! Anyway for those of you who don't know it already, I'm living with a hooker ! The only thing that keeps me there is her little daughter (wait before you call the cops !) The fact she's got a little girl in her kinda 1 room flat is that I can be (kinda) sure, nothing's gonna happen right there ! The place is not tooooo bad... Worse would be sleeping in the metro ! XD 

I got to this point of my very silly life, I just want to go home, to that safe place where I'm not wasting money for literally nothing, where I have my parents 24/7 to ask for help. Yes I know I'm childish but now, honestly tell me you never had a moment in which you just wanted to hide under the big wings of your parents' guard !
Now I wanted to be strong and adult enough to cope with this myself, and I tried everything I can but presently I just feel I'm losing and wasting a lot of money just because I'm still in Paris !  So after the 3rd november I know whether it's a one way ticket home or an open (but sure) return to France !

I'm still not telling what's happening then, I shouldn't have told anyone, but the internet is definitely the last place that will know ! So far only close friends, very close friends and counselors know about this ! I'm working on it and for it, it's very tough but I will get there ! Mark my words, I will ! 

To that beloved bitch of my HM because I'm pretty sure she read my twitter: you're an awful person, even if you ever contact me again (I doubt so cause every word was fake) you can die waiting for a reply ! I hope you'll die of guilt..but then I'd rather be on the street learning new things than being stuck in your english-speaking house learning no french and being your slave ! Kind regards world's worst au-pair ! 
And with that I just arrived at my new place.. So good night everyone ! 
Check out my new video: 






Love
Julie x

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Day: 48 "Est-ce que vous êtes française ?"

Hello My Lovelies,


Well here I am, writing from the crappy hostel I'll be living in the next week (and probably the one after as well), it's not too bad, the walls are made of paper, I got no towels and the toilet's on the hallway and most importantly, no wifi in the room.. so I'm writing from the "breakfast area".
Yesterday I moved in which was quite a joke... I had 2 pretty heavy bags and then my huge suitcase. I decided to bring the bags first, and of course this hostel couldn't be anywhere round where I live or on the same route, noooo of course not, I had to change train twice ! Which was amazing ! Then well in the afternoon Edie helped me bring the suitcase here and yea... it hardly fits in my room. 
The only good things that kinda cheers me up is that I booked the night of the 26th as well which means that I will be able to go see Imelda May, the highlight of this year tbh ! 


I really want to talk about this one thing but I don't wanna jinx it, I already am way too hyped about this, and I hope I'm not getting my hopes too up but yea... let's just say it's an amazing thing if it works out well. If not.. au-pair for life !


Today I went to Disneyland, it's so friggin cold now... I did a bunch of things I haven't done in a while and some things I never did before. I mainly went to the Disney Studios, 2hrs wait for the Rock'n Roller Coaster, then I did Armageddon which sucks like the first time I did it and well I was reminded WHY I didn't do that more often, then I went to see Moteurs Action...bad decision ! Sitting still for an hour in the freezing cold definitely was crap ! Then I went to eat and yea... same thing as always "Table for one" looks as silly as it sounds ! But I ate at the nice buffet so it was alright. After lunch I went to see "The Art of Disney Animation" and it was so nice to see Roy Disney and then Walt Disney.. amazing ! Then I went for the first time on the RC racer where I noticed how stupid people are... they always try to trick the system but in the end those poor fools never win. There were 2 queues "single riders" and "groups" I of course was in the single riders, where groups are split up because they call one person at the time, but I in that queue was the only one actually ALONE ! Which was ridiculous... our queue wasn't in ANY WAY quicker ! But yea... tough luck ! In the evening Edie joined me which was really great, I actually wanted to save some money by eating cheap but we ended up having another buffet at the Sequoia Lodge, I made her like Disneyland :) We spent a pretty long time just chilling in the Disneyland Hotel... cause in the end her home sucks and this hostel sucks too... so that hotel is pretty awesome... if only it was closer ! 


Tomorrow we're heading off to Buttes Chaumont, which might sound familiar to "Friends" fans :) Think pretty hard !! I only got there after a while hehe
And yea... can't wait for monday, heading to the agency again and yea actually anything... I need a place to stay ASAP ! If you know someone who rents flats for not too much please let me know in the comments and I'll love you forever ! Seriously. 
I really would like to know if that bitch of a boss knows in how much trouble she put me... that idiot ! 


That's it for today... my workless and lazy days are pretty boring tbh... october always was my favourite month but this year it couldn't have been worse.. but in the end I "lived", Edie said that I learnt a lot... I did but yea... still not nice ! 


Talk to you very soon !


Love
Julie x

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Day: 45 "We are interested..."

Hello My Lovelies,


I've not been around for a pretty long time, things have been rough... pretty rough. I lost my job, I lost my flat, let's say the fault was mutual, I didn't try too hard but she didn't try to adapt to me or to let me get a routine but well. Remember how much I hated working for this family ? Well now it's over.


What's the most annoying about this is that this news is spreading like wildfire.. I'm getting e-mails from people at home, trying to help me, whom I've never even spoken to. And what's worse is that they might want to be nice but... in words everything is easy. Now think of this... you got NO experience in life whatsoever, you don't speak the language of the country, basically don't have anyone in this foreign country and you're seriously starting to look for comfy bridges and/or metro stations to stay at after being kicked out.


I tried to attack the first and main problem...the flat. I went to a youth thing where they should help you, and they did indeed, I got a million addresses of dorms and other working/housing opportunities, but what sucks is that they all need a whole lot of documents I don't have with me and that my mum can't find and what adds to it is that even if I had those documents, those people still want to wait about 3 weeks before they accept you, which is ridiculous.
I considered buying a flat, but I can't find anything around my budget, it's not like I don't have it but the money I have should be spent on university, it's like the (typical) american college fund... I'm not supposed to use this money !


Anyway then I tried the "easy way" looking for au-pair jobs where you get housing and a job, but au-pair world... oh my beloved au-pair world...AIN'T HELPING !!! So I told my classmates about my issue and one girl told me about her agency and yea basically I went there yesterday, today I brought them everything they needed and I already have 2 families waiting, one of which sounds pretty interesting :) not in paris though but whatever, a roof is a roof and a job is a job !


The day after I got "fired" I asked for a week of mercy since I got fired on a... saturday I think and the whole week after I was working ridiculous hours during which I would have had NO time to look for jobs and so on, so now I'm in the "mercy week" every day out off to some place to drop off my CV. As much as I hated my HM, when she was the moody bitch she was, she suggested I should try in Disneyland again and I did twice, both times I was told to check on the internet and to send my CV and cover letter through the webpage. Pretty disappointing but well, sit back and drink tea, I can wait...as soon as I get something else.


Now I'm out of money (besides bank account and some tiny bit in the savings cow) so I'm glad I got loads of porridge bought with a meal voucher... so everyday before I leave I stuff myself so I won't be hungry and won't have to spend money on overpriced crap !


School is going pretty well, I'm getting more and more "très bien" even though I don't think I'm getting much smarter, but I'm feeling advantaged by the fact that I had to research fucking words/sentences like "I'm looking for a job !" "I want to apply for this job!" "I'm about to move house and live under a bridge, so please contact me on this phone number".


That's it for now, with my highs and lows I didn't know what to write or better, how to write without writing a 50 pages essay on why my life is so horrible at the moment, but things are looking up...kinda !


Talk to you very soon I hope.


Love
Julie x

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Day 32: "Vous-êtes combien ?" "une!" *contains lots of swears*

Hello My Lovelies,


needless to say that my situation did not improve much. Still a (fake)Love/Hate relationship between me and the family, but I'm ready if anything comes I'm ready to talk back and not take it in anymore. If I had a job and a place to stay already I'd be even more ready to talk back. I definitely gotta find something. On saturday me and edie are probably going to this centre where they help the youth to find jobs and flats, we're hoping for a miracle. 


This week has been alright so far, tomorrow and friday I have the busiest days for this week so this "alright" might turn into a horrible or beautiful (yea right). School is going pretty well, I'm trying to force myself not to ask if a waiter, shop keeper or person, knows english but I'll just try and feckkk I just remembered I gotta finish... eh...start my homework. OK short moment of panic, I'm done now xD Yea kinda "live feed" blogging. Anyway I'm trying to force myself to actually use the things I'm learning in class otherwise I'll forget everything the second I leave the school.  


Today I went to Disneyland to finally get my annual passport, and unlike last time I got a really kind and british lady :) It's so nice to have smiley cast members from time to time !! You got some people's dream jobs, for fuck's sake, be proud ! Anyway 199€ euro later I was on my way in to the Passeport Annuel Office inside the park :) Already on my way there I caught a show, a dancey one, no clue what was going on but I filmed it... you never know when you might need to know the choreography ;) Anyway inside the office it was very comfy, there were nice chairs where you could watch a movie, Ratatouille this time, and the queue was very quick !! I was really smiley and happy all day, the cast member that then gave me my permanent passport took a picture of me with a webcam, on the screen the pic looked alright on the passport... meh... oh well xD next to my photo there's Rapunzel so it makes it look cute xD
Oh I forgot, as soon as I stepped out of the metro and into the park frontyard, HM called "are you upstairs?" "ehhh darling no, you gave me the day off, I asked yesterday evening if you where sure that I was free and you said yes and I'm on the opposite side of Paris, so now go and fuck off..." but of course I did not say that cause I'm a fucking actress and said no I'm not upstairs and not around, I'm not stupid ! 
Anyway inside the park then I didn't quite know what to do... it's pretty awkward to be there alone, thank god I had my camera with me so I looked like I was working on something of for someone, and my professional canon made me look like I was good at taking pics so people randomly asked me 3 times to take pics of them, with their camera of course xD
I only did 2 rides, the phantom manor and the star tours, all in all I didn't enjoy my day as much as I planned, mainly because I have this nagging "fear" in my neck that is my HM, the fact that I had to be home at 7 aargh everything and also me being alone. I can do whatever I want then but in the end it's pretty not boring but awkward. I went to a restaurant... ever realised how silly "Table for one" sounds ? Yea... ever realised how silly it looks ? Then I had a very nice waitress who kept giving me the "You can't afford this" look, which was ridiculous !!! I had a 3 course meal for 32€ which is nothing, considering I paid 15€ for a horrible pizza at the Champs Elysees. 
As soon as I was done I went outside and sat on the curb as the parade was about to begin, I so wish my mam was there with me... I missed her comments; but being alone made me see so many things, I want to be a dancer/princess/character there so I looked at how my "future colleagues" worked and well, the dances aren't too hard imo, I did worse. The princes and princesses though were pretty uhm... disapointing kind of. Now I don't know what day those people had but those smiles were so fake, I mean it's just a 30 minute show, show some more passion, again with the "You got some people's dream jobs, for fuck's sake, be proud !" the only one I really liked (maybe I'm biased though) was Belle, she and her prince looked very real and passionate which was amazing ^_^


On my metro back I almost fell asleep, which was horrible, some people actually do that but I'm too scared to miss my stop which is pretty common for me -__-° 
Later the evening work and laundry and now I'm writing this... 
and now.. I'm going to bed :)


Talk to you soon.
Love
Julie x


PS: My latest blabber :)

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Day: 27 "It's not me, it's you"

Hello My Lovelies,


this last week has been alright all in all. I still sometimes had the need to slash my wrists or jump off the balcony but I decided to care less... I mean, what if all those "talks" are just to scare me, since I'm a naïve little girl ?
Last sunday I got one of those talks again but it was even worse than the previous one and it really upset(ted) me, I was pretty dramatic xD I was meeting Edie at the metro station because we wanted to go to the Val d'Europe and as soon as I saw her I let myself go... crying, shouting and cursing in 3 different languages, I called my mum and yeh... we all came to the conclusion that this woman must have some kinda mental health issue, I'm really happy Edie's here. After that horrible morning the day has been fabulous. We saw a "place" kinda like a square which I always "dreamt of" because I only ever saw it on the internet, it's absolutely beautiful, we ate at an italian restaurant, the sky was blue, sun was shining... absolutely perfect :)


Anyway I decided to keep working even harder, so if this week she even dares giving me a talk I have the proof that I did all of the things she wanted me to do. 
Monday I spoke italian to both of the girls a lot, we went to the park so the had physical activity, did homework, violin, so everything sorted. Monday evening though something happened (I'm not gonna talk about on here) which made me realise even more that "It's not me, it's you"... it's totally her and not me. Those mental HMs are making me feel stupid ! 
Tuesday hardly any italian but we went to the park and everything that had to be done got done.
Wednesday, my day off but "worked" a bit in the morning and did some nice italian with the small one. 
Thursday, no park, little italian.. ok this day was crap but you'll see...
Friday a.k.a. today... the little one had a breakdown kinda, and she's totally right, for those girls it's all work and no play at all ! Jeez those family doesn't even own a tv !! Just a projector which yea.. is NOT a tv !! And anyway they're being pushed from one activity to another and tbh I saw their schedule for their rehearsals in november... I don't know if I'm gonna make it. They have 3 hrs a day everyday, how's that gonna work ? Then they have violin practise, ballet, homework, solfege, art class and maths teacher in the afternoon... uhm... I really hope in november days have 36hrs a day.


In the meantime I'm looking for other families and soon there's gonna be a fair for employers and me and Edie are gonna take a look. Even if my family finds me on the internet I couldn't care less, my reason is that I can't live with the constant feeling of being with one foot out of the door, that any day I could get kicked out. 


On monday I started french class (step by step closer to my job in Disneyland) and it's pretty awesome :) We're a really mixed class, americans, canadians, mexicans, brits, germans, danish, spanish, italian (just me yikes), croatian and so on. We get homework and it's actually nice to have that feeling that you have a purpose in life...ok this sounds way deeper than what I mean but well... I missed school that's the sense. Our teacher's alright, although I have the feeling she doesn't like me too much, well sorry we won the world cup in 2006 ;) 


Tomorrow I'm meeting Edie again cause her parents are coming and it's nice to see some known faces, it's her birthday in 2 days (?) well on the 3rd of October and we're kinda pre-celebrating :) I decided what present to get her so I'm not even stressed anymore. 


That's it for now. Talk to you all as soon as something new happens, and I hope it won't be another "talk".


A bientôt !


Love
Julie x

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